Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
