Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
