I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
