if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
