i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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