I am puke
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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