Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
