Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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