I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
