We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
