There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
