i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
