I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
