There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
