I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
