Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
