Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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