two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
