You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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