please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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