Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
