If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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