my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
