She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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