wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The power of my boobs compel you
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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