from now on my penis is your penis
I cockslap morals
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
