ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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