I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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