I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
