sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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