Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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