Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
