I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
