Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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