When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
