My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
