They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
