Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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