I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
