Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
