I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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