help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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