he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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