guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
