U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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