so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext