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Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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