Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?

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(213): View more from California

How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

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(650): View more from California

how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(816): View more from Missouri

Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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(802): View more from Vermont

beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.

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(240): View more from Maryland

She's the barista slut.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.

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