Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
