I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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