Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

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(303): He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay? http://tfl.nu/l4uw

Replies (6) Good night (980) Bad night (1912)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.

(419): View more from Ohio

I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.

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(513): I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth. (419): I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/rzvc

Replies (10) Good night (3034) Bad night (685)
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(248): View more from Michigan

going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.

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(248): going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school. http://tfl.nu/hpld

Replies (30) Good night (6720) Bad night (1346)
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(551): View more from New Jersey

the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit

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(551): the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit http://tfl.nu/ma7y

Replies (45) Good night (9209) Bad night (972)
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(847): View more from Illinois

The panties match.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

I'll be right there.

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(847): The panties match. (1-847): I'll be right there. http://tfl.nu/jbhz

Replies (35) Good night (6052) Bad night (1142)
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(443): View more from Maryland

If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think

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(443): If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think http://tfl.nu/rcq5

Replies (11) Good night (2065) Bad night (798)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.

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(609): I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art. http://tfl.nu/g5lr

Replies (14) Good night (2354) Bad night (876)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.

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(605): I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more. http://tfl.nu/w7nf

Replies (14) Good night (1526) Bad night (1001)
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(206): View more from Washington

be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.

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(206): be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age. http://tfl.nu/oer4

Replies (10) Good night (1137) Bad night (541)
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(512): View more from Texas

I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

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(512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf

Replies (12) Good night (2184) Bad night (860)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.

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(864): I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something. http://tfl.nu/s8xu

Replies (6) Good night (931) Bad night (493)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass

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(630): Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass http://tfl.nu/dssk

Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (443)
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(773): View more from Illinois

we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

you win some, you lose some.

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(773): we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio. (1-773): you win some, you lose some. http://tfl.nu/xyso

Replies (2) Good night (438) Bad night (480)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"

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(781): And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME" http://tfl.nu/jmki

Replies (2) Good night (639) Bad night (322)
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(773): View more from Illinois

And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.

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(773): And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything. http://tfl.nu/s3ep

Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (277)

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