he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with