My brain says no but my pants say off.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
