almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.