Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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