i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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