So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Damn victory sex feels great
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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