Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
