finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
