Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
