New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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