i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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