3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
