i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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