Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
