So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
