so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
