4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
