just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
