I just saw a hot homeless man
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
