i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My bed smells like the plague
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
