I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
