It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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