She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.