a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Michael Bay diarrhea
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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