Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.