hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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