He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great