Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
