Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
