Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
