if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
