That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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