i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am naked and annoyed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
