Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
