Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
