TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
