at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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